There are so many situations that you could be in as the “other woman”: you could be one of a series of one night stands. You could be in a relationship that has been going for years. Maybe your partner's spouse or partner knows about you?
The important question is:
How are you being you?
Are you doing the things that are important to you for your happiness?
Are you seeing your friends and family or are you sitting at home waiting for a visit or phone call?
Are you enjoying your life? Or are you feeling miserable and confused?
Are you planning ahead? Or are you sitting there waiting to see what is going to happen?
Do you have self respect and control over your life? Or are you at the mercy of your partner's life?
Here's an interesting question to ask yourself. On a scale of 1 to 10 are you a 10 and in complete charge of your life, your thoughts and your feelings? Or are you a 1 where it's everyone else's fault? Or are you at the mercy of other people's actions or your partner’s wishes?
Put a cross on the line where you think you are. Now put a cross on the line where you would like to be. Is there a gap? If there is a gap what actions do you need to take to regain that control and self respect?
Pick the one that will make the most difference and find some way of doing that. Write in your journal about your thoughts and feelings and take time out every day to reflect on what is important to you in your life going forward.
Journaling is key to raising awareness about how you are feeling and starting to learn how to do things differently. Have you ever acknowledged that you could feel differently?
Have you ever looked back over the day and realised that you have a jumble of thoughts going round in your head? Have you felt confused and unhappy and carried on feeling like that?
If you do either of the above, or are about to make changes and want to think very carefully about them, I would recommend that you keep a journal. As a coach I always ask my clients to do this because it enables changes and different perspectives to be clearer in your mind. It also helps you to celebrate things that are great, things that you are grateful for and many other things. The clients that keep a journal have greater insights and, if they want to make changes, do this quicker and with more consistency.
The other important thing to do is to find someone that will support you. As the “other woman” it is easy to prejudge others reactions in the same way that you might expect to be judged. This is the subject of another article called Getting Support. The Women Scorned website will also give you the opportunity to be part of a forum where you can discuss issues. So make sure that you use it.
It’s important to look after yourself!