It's quite a complex situation that you may be in because of the recent trauma so it's really useful to know fully about you and your inner thoughts. This will help the confusion from all of the conflicting and mixed messages.
So, it’s really useful to acknowledge what you know, inside yourself, even if it is difficult to hear it sometimes.
Mixed up in all of this is a basic distrust of the word "SHOULD". When I say that, I mean that "SHOULDS" usually come from other people's "model of the world". Teachers, parents, friends and many others tell us that we "SHOULD" do this and "SHOULD" do that. They are confident that this is the best way - and it may be for them.
However, there some really important "SHOULD" questions for yourself that are "SHOULDS" in your subconscious mind. If you answer them honestly the answers will leave you feeling much more grounded and prepared for life ahead. Here goes:
1. What SHOULD you be doing in your life that you are NOT doing?
What significant positive actions or habits are you not doing?
What direction in life do you believe you should be pursuing?
Where do you believe you should be putting your energy and are you actually doing that?
2. What ARE you doing that you know you SHOULD NOT be doing?
Even though you are a good person with good intentions is there something that you are doing in your life that is harmful to yourself or others? I am not talking about small things here but behaviour or attitudes that cause real distress or that compromise your overall health or effectiveness in the world.
What are you doing that you know you should not be doing?
3. What do you NOT want to know about yourself?
This question assumes that there are things that you know about yourself that you are not comfortable facing. It is often useful to work through this question with a coach as this question will bring the unconscious mind's knowledge out into conscious thought and that can be both illuminating and difficult to handle. If you don't have access to a coach make sure you use your positive support people and also write about what you have just acknowledged to yourself.
The next steps
Write a letter to yourself acknowledging all of the confusion, other people's messages and the recent trauma that you have had. Then write down your truths that you have learned from the questions above.
Maybe there are some actions that you could take as a result of acknowledging who you are and what you now know.
If you are struggling with this find a coach that will support you through this confusing time so that you can truly be at ease with yourself and therefore move on.